Girl Bullies
Girl Bullies, a.k.a “Alpha Girls”
In the RiverTown Coffee Shop, several of us have been talking about girl bullies.
Raina asked if any readers were former Alpha Girls. Some of the readings below make it clear that girls may switch roles, and that aside from a few “Queen Bees,” and a few girls who were always targets, many girls have found themselves in both roles – and may bully partly as a defense against being bullied.
Here’s Raina’s request:
I never hear from the alpha-girls themselves, the ones who were on top in junior high. How did they turn out? Do they ever think about it? Did their parents have a clue how nasty they were? Did they approve? How can parents, teachers and other kids deal with this phenomenon? Any alphas (or former alphas) out there willing to talk?
Or, if you’re the studious sort, who always did your homework (and almost certainly got bullied and called a nerdy brown-nose as a result), here’s some background reading:
- Mean Girls: How to Combat Bullying offers a profile of the bullies, who are “often popular, charismatic girls who are already receiving positive attention from adults” as well as examples of exactly the kind of bullying we’re discussing in the Coffee Shop: “Acts of relational aggression are common among girls in American schools. Specific acts can include rumor spreading, secret-divulging, alliance-building, backstabbing, ignoring, excluding from social groups and activities, verbal insults and hostile body language, such as eye-rolling and smirks.”
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GirlsHealth.gov has links to many sites that offer help for both bullies and victims
for girls,
for parents,
for educators.
Note especially their online quizzes “Are you a bully?” and “Are you being bullied?”A quibble about some of the links on this site: Since Columbine, there has been an enormous increase in articles and research on school violence, and bullying has come along for the ride. That leads to articles like
“Children’s Threats: When are they serious?”: “This article discusses when threats should be taken seriously and how parents, teachers, and other adults can address the threat.” In terms of the theme of school violence, articles like this are useful and, unfortunately, necessary. But that theme is concerned with risk evaluation – “Is my child in danger of being physically harmed?” That is only a first-level inquiry. So far as the kind of Alpha-Girl bullying we’re discussing in the Coffee Shop, the answer is darn well “Yes! Your child is being psychologically assailed when she (or he – sorry, Paul) is the target of Alpha Girl bullying.” -
This Pittsburgh Post-Gazette article, “Girl bullies don’t leave black eyes, just agony” describes the Ophelia Project in Erie, Pa (!), “one of the few anti-bully programs for girls.” The article lists half a dozen books on the topic, and also lists names for the aggressors: “also called the girl-bullies, the queen bees, the RMGs (Really Mean Girls) or the alpha girls.”
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A feature by Minnesota Public Radio’s Dan Gunderson describes what is surely one of the coolest responses to girl bullying: an opera, “One False Move,” by New York City composer Susan Kander.
“I cry every time I see it,” Kander says. “I find all of that pain to be immediate and awful, and I never get through it.”
Don’t be caught stealing the limelight
If the limelight isn’t yours, beware.
Don’t admit you have a social conscience
If the others think it’s cooler not to care.
Never state opinions of your own
Never let on who you really are.
Never doubt that you could be alone
For the rest of your life
With an invisible scar
From that unplanned, unconscious false move.
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The poem by Susan Kander says it all.
I’m glad the phenomenon of alpha girl bullying is being addressed in the media, but I wonder if real research is being conducted (by somebody other than me, of course.) In the aforementioned article, Mean Girls: How to Combat Bullying,Dr. Dallas Jackson offers suggestions for victims that make sense but don’t appear to be based on a complete understanding of the social phenomena. For example, the first suggestion on the list is to get an adult involved. Theoretically, I would agree. But which adult should be involved and what is that adult supposed to do? Should the school system be involved and if so, in what way? Many schools have already implemented policies regarding male bullying. But alpha girl bullying is much more subtle and doesn’t leave physical bruises. Is a zero-tolerance policy the most effective way to address this issue, or will that make things worse by driving it even further underground? And how does a system implement a zero-tolerance policy for a problem like this anyway?
Which brings me back to the alpha girls themselves. Dr. Jackson describes these girls as motivated by “relational aggression, which can socially isolate the victim while also increasing the social status of the bully.” In other words, he is hypothesizing that there is something about “girl culture” that pushes toward increased social status as a goal, at the expense of others. Where are girls learning this, when are they learning it, and from whom? Dr. Jackson also describes these girls as “often popular, charismatic girls who are already receiving positive attention from adults.” These descriptions seem to point in the direction of early socialization, prior to middle school and in their own families. What are alpha girls’ models for relationships? Are alpha girl bullies raised in homes that value social adeptness, looking good and being “on top” at the expense of compassion, sensitivity and community? And who are the alpha girl victims? Are they failed alpha girl wannabees who didn’t learn the required social adeptness? Are parents doing their daughters a disservice if they raise them to be sensitive, compassionate, and socially naive? Do school systems fail to address this issue because the parents of these girls look too good? I have questions but I don’t have answers. Raina
Raina said:
Here’s a speculation for you, based mostly on opinion, but with a glance at Wikibooks on primate social behavior. Maybe we’re looking at dominance behavior – “alpha girls” establishing their position within the group:
I don’t know if modern-day anthropologists allow for that sort of fairly direct primate behavior link “forward” to homo sapiens, but I like the point of view, since it puts the girl bullies into the same pot as macque monkeys: “High-ranking female macaques frequently intimidate, harass, and even attack lower-ranking females, particularly to restrict their access to food.” Incidentally, it appears that such behaviors aren’t universal among the “lower” primates. Also, dominance behavior is apparently likely to be balanced by
So, plunging on with an argument that has more to do with satire than science, perhaps girl bullies are a remnant of earlier, more brutal social systems, in an environment that makes traditional affiliative forms more difficult ("What are you girls doing?” “I’m just picking Alisa’s fleas, Mrs. Doherty.")
Here’s a test: By this logic, alpha girls are more likely to end up breeding early and raising alpha girls. Beta girls are more likely to become writers, psychologists, college professors, attorneys, and CEOs. (Alpha behavior may get access to mates, but it isn’t going real far anymore. Or is it?)