Girl Bullies, a.k.a “Alpha Girls”

In the RiverTown Coffee Shop, several of us have been talking about girl bullies.
Raina asked if any readers were former Alpha Girls. Some of the readings below make it clear that girls may switch roles, and that aside from a few “Queen Bees,” and a few girls who were always targets, many girls have found themselves in both roles – and may bully partly as a defense against being bullied.

Here’s Raina’s request:

I never hear from the alpha-girls themselves, the ones who were on top in junior high. How did they turn out? Do they ever think about it? Did their parents have a clue how nasty they were? Did they approve? How can parents, teachers and other kids deal with this phenomenon? Any alphas (or former alphas) out there willing to talk?

Come join the conversation.

Or, if you’re the studious sort, who always did your homework (and almost certainly got bullied and called a nerdy brown-nose as a result), here’s some background reading:

• Mean Girls: How to Combat Bullying offers a profile of the bullies, who are “often popular, charismatic girls who are already receiving positive attention from adults” as well as examples of exactly the kind of bullying we’re discussing in the Coffee Shop: “Acts of relational aggression are common among girls in American schools. Specific acts can include rumor spreading, secret-divulging, alliance-building, backstabbing, ignoring, excluding from social groups and activities, verbal insults and hostile body language, such as eye-rolling and smirks.”

• GirlsHealth.gov has links to many sites that offer help for both bullies and victims
  for girls,
  for parents,
  for educators.
  Note especially their online quizzes “Are you a bully?” and “Are you being bullied?”

  A quibble about some of the links on this site: Since Columbine, there has been an enormous increase in articles and research on school violence, and bullying has come along for the ride. That leads to articles like
  “Children’s Threats: When are they serious?”: “This article discusses when threats should be taken seriously and how parents, teachers, and other adults can address the threat.” In terms of the theme of school violence, articles like this are useful and, unfortunately, necessary. But that theme is concerned with risk evaluation – “Is my child in danger of being physically harmed?” That is only a first-level inquiry. So far as the kind of Alpha-Girl bullying we’re discussing in the Coffee Shop, the answer is darn well “Yes! Your child is being psychologically assailed when she (or he – sorry, Paul) is the target of Alpha Girl bullying.”

• This Pittsburgh Post-Gazette article, “Girl bullies don’t leave black eyes, just agony” describes the Ophelia Project in Erie, Pa (!), “one of the few anti-bully programs for girls.” The article lists half a dozen books on the topic, and also lists names for the aggressors: “also called the girl-bullies, the queen bees, the RMGs (Really Mean Girls) or the alpha girls.”

• A feature by Minnesota Public Radio’s Dan Gunderson describes what is surely one of the coolest responses to girl bullying: an opera, “One False Move,” by New York City composer Susan Kander.

  “I cry every time I see it,” Kander says. “I find all of that pain to be immediate and awful, and I never get through it.”

  
  Don’t be caught stealing the limelight
  
If the limelight isn’t yours, beware.
  
Don’t admit you have a social conscience
  
If the others think it’s cooler not to care.
  
Never state opinions of your own
  
Never let on who you really are.
  
Never doubt that you could be alone
  
For the rest of your life
  
With an invisible scar
  
From that unplanned, unconscious false move.